Munchies Score
Out of 100
The kitchen produces more monstrosities than ever before; and therefore, more controversy. Among the hottest: gas-station sushi, decaf coffee, pizza crust alternatives. The last of which terrorizes self-proclaimed pizza police who insist that pies must contain dough, sauce and cheese… and according to the dictionary, this argument holds up.
- a dish of Italian origin consisting of a flat, round base of dough baked with a topping of tomato sauce and cheese, typically with added meat or vegetables.
Source: Oxford Languages
Unfortunately, such a strict interpretation of the meal deletes it from gluten-free and low-carb diets, shrinking the pizza crowd and its creativity.
Nonetheless, new crust recipes put the pan back in the oven, only not with traditional ingredients. Substitute dough for cauliflower, spaghetti squash, potato and more! Rather than thinking of pizza as a dish, bedridden on a sheet of pastry, treat it as a way of eating, the art of loading crust with sauce and toppings. Whether or not you add pineapple is another argument.
Review:
Potato Power-Up:
The notorious yet ever popular junk food: pizza. A slab of dough smothered in pig clippings, tomato paste, milk lumps. Bite after bite goes in, “death to the diet” comes out. Soon the pie disappears… only guilt remains.
Oh, and the potato in your cabinet.
Cheap, bland, starchy, the last ingredient you’d plop into a pizza. But a long resume the spud flaunts, its recipes renowned across the globe. The hero of Christmas dinner, the sidekick of burgers, steaks, fish, eggs and now, disguise the taters beneath your favorite toppings to turn pizza crust into a vegetable!
- (Cheesy) French Fries
- Hashbrowns
- Mashed potatoes
- Potato Pancakes
- Tater Tots
- Potato Pizza
- Potato Salad
- Gnocchi
- Crispy Smashed Potatoes
- Potato Skins
Honorable Mentions: chips, potato wedges, baked potato
Caution - Oil Reservoir:
The Siamese Fighting Fish (aka betta fish) is known to survive in small puddles during the dry season — depths not unlike the pool of grease that submerged my toppings and sunk my dining experience. A loaded baked potato without the absorption prowess, this pizza whets more than just your appetite. If used as a temporary holding-pen for your pet fish while you clean its tank, don’t forget to visit the vet afterwards. Otherwise, you may accidently add a bit of seafood to your next dinner. After all, even fish get heart attacks!
A Spudding Romance:
After swallowing my first potato pie, I waddled to the mirror to check the damage. Gut bloated, lips coated in flour, it looked as if someone had swapped my chapstick for a piece of chalk. Ms. Potato Head’s last smooch, or perhaps her guts, clung to my mouth, hands and (I am so sloppy) clothes. Her life sacrificed, ashes dumped into the bottomless pit of my belly, I burped a final puff — her last words, “I made a very messy pizza“.
How to Munch:
Although I’ve never cooked a potato pizza (I tried it at Great Plains Pizza in Ames, Iowa, and was inspired by their Idaho Thin Crust to write this review), I found a cauliflower crust recipe that my family loves! A few tips before you make it yourself:
- Use frozen riced cauliflower for the quickest pies.
- Dry out the cauliflower with a cheese cloth for maximum crunch and structural integrity.
- Pick only a few toppings to avoid a soggy, floppy crust.
Here is the recipe that I followed — cauliflower crust pizza. The video tutorial made me laugh a lot!
Got the munchies for potato pizza? Comment a food for us to try next!
Great review! Potato crust pizza does have a flour like film it leaves behind. Thanks for the recipe! I’m definitely going to try this out. Spuds for the win!
I love spuds! And this is one “hot potato” you won’t want to toss away!